New Robsen Pic...FINALLY!

Aren't they sweet.

Yes, like you, I was just duped....or "dooped" as I like to call it. Lil' miss kiTT over at TongueTwied is a lil' SH*T.

Ok, ok, don't go jumping down my throat, [unless of course you're Rob's dick] kiTT was just playing a friendly joke on Lisa & I. She definitely got me though! I was just packing up my stuff to leave work when I noticed an email come through on my phone. I decided to take a quick peek at the subject of the email as I was walking out. Of course any subject line with Robsten is going to grab my attention like a freaking house on fire...Much to my utter horror, the above picture is what awaited me...gah kiTT!

Good one! Love ya!

XOXO J

Rob Flashes His Junk, My Crackberry Fails Me.

I had a dream last night that I met Robsten. This should come as no shock, considering my infatuation. However, I have yet to have a Robsten dream...UNTIL NOW!

*Update: I take it back. I have had a Robsten Dream. But, I'm too lazy to search for the post. So let's pretend I haven't...

You know how dreams can be, sometimes they are super clear and other times they're muddled. This one in particular was a bit of both. It started out like this: Lisa & I were in LA (I think) walking down the street sightseeing, when all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of Robsten sitting outside some sort of casual fast food place, sharing a drink.

Kinda like this, but sitting outside.
It might have been a Taco Shop....

Anyway, of course my eagle eyes zero in on them and I start squeeing to Lisa & trying my hardest not to cause a scene. I could barely catch my breath and by the time she realized and then saw what I was saying, she flipped out too. Both of us were practically hyperventilating. We knew it was our chance and we couldn't let it pass us by...Just as we were destined to explore Escala together, we found Robsten together...literally. We proceeded to casually run/walk in their direction. At that point they were getting up and hurriedly walking across the street to what appeared to be a large black tour bus parked in a parking lot. They started to rush even more when they realized the paps had noticed them. Somehow we got to them first and I approached Rob and timidly asked "Can we please have a quick photo, behind this wall... so no one else notices you." I remember smiling slyly to myself as if I was doing him some huge favor by not making a scene. He said "Yah." Lisa rushed over to help take the pic and all of a sudden it wasn't Lisa, it was my Sister, ES. But it still kinda of was Lisa...you know how that goes in dreams. Anyhoo I handed "her" my blackberry & she takes a pic, but we realize it blurred. Rob kindly pulls me in closer and says it's ok to try again. This time he starts giggling in that adorkable British way & proceeds to lift his right leg like a dog about to pee....or a girls gone wild chick flashing her twat. Before I know it he's unzipped his jeans, pulled his undies (don't remember what kind) aside & whipped out his junk for the camera...AND to top it off, thinks it's absolutely hysterical.

He maintains this type of shit-eating grin while Lisa snaps the photo, junk and all.

I in turn am slightly mortified because all I see is dark purplish brown skin and some hair...Basically what you'd expect if a guy haphazardly tried to pull out his junk, not a man gawd showing you his precious, & possibly sparkly, peen. Nonetheless, we pose for the camera and again, it comes out slightly blurry... and even cuts off part of his face.

After that whole experience, I walk around to the other side of the tour bus and see Kristen having a smoke and looking around nervously. I tell her that I'm a huge fan and ask if she wouldn't mind also taking a pic with me. She says "Sure, no prob." Someone (Sarah? Lisa? Sarlisa?) takes our pic and it turns out blurry as well. DAMN YOU CRACKBERRY! Of all times to take shitty pics! She lets me try a few more times and is polite as can be...but the paps are swarming and you can tell she's getting annoyed. Anyways, despite my blurry pics, I thank her and move on.

Then all of a sudden it's Lisa and not some weird combo. Lisa and I are squeeing at how crazy it was that we just experienced all of this & how our bloggy peeps are going to freak. We just keep staring at each other and saying "OH MY GAWD, WE MET ROBSTEN." Then we board a train to somewhere......and the dream is over.

Oh dreams.....

XOXO J

Where's a Vampire When I Need One? + Photos from The Roxy 2/19

I would like to hide my identity for this... but unfortunately it isn't possible, so I have to do this as me, Elusive S.

This is going to be really long, and by the way, I have NO filter. Consider this your warning. If you get bored or disgusted and prefer to stop reading and scream "ES, you are fucking vulgar" whilst flipping me off and running in the other direction, or scrolling to the bottom to get to the delish pics of Jackson *that totally made up for me losing my camera at their show last August* will TOTALLY get it.

That being said!
I was dating a guy for the past 2ish mos... Have I told you?
Oh my, I need another drink... :: Runs off to kitchen:: Who says I can't have a bloody mary on a Saturday night?

Anyhoo... we dated for a couple of months but hadn't done the nasty... mostly due to busy schedules and my infatuation with Jackson and getting sick at different times.

Anyway fast forward to the last couple of weeks...
We meet for dinner after work... I jokingly say something about how it's a good thing we finished eating early and after joking around he got serious and said I was going to think he was a total dork.
"HUH?"
"Well... it's just that I got up super earlyand tomorrow is going to be a 12 hour day"
"Uh huh... so?"
"So I was kinda hoping that our first time..."
(the horrors I start to envision will not be depicted enough in what I will write next: I thought he was going to say something about being 'official' first or horror of all horrors that he had a venereal disease or hadn't been tested since 1918 or... who knows what) anyway he continues to say that he hoped our first time would be on a night where nothing had to be rushed and I could stay over etc etc...

I got sick after that and so another week of postponing...
Finally I was feeling better (it was a terrible case of Jacksonitis that involved vomiting due to severe withdrawal syndrome)... we made plans to have a mellow night in. Well the DVD finally fucking finished and I jumped his bones. It was quiet... I DON'T LIKE QUIET WHEN I'M HAVING SEX, I like to have Jackson's sex-twang voice laced through the air instead, so I can imagine, if I squeeze my eyes really tightly, that it is infact Jackson I am locking lips with. Well we play-argued about music but then it got a little annoying... we made out for about 30 minutes. I could not figure out why he kept pushing me to the side every time I'd get on him... and was increasingly frustrated that he wouldn't climb on top of me and stick it in already! I felt like Bella and her awkward attempts at getting Edward to exercise his sparkly peen. After 20 min there was a super awkward rub-ES's-hoo-ha session... which would have been hot had he used it as a platform to start off on... but he didn't... in fact he suddenly just hugs me close and sticks his face in the crevice between my jaw neck shoulder area... uh what...? He tells me he's sorry... Sorry? Sorry!? About what? Oh.... that... that's why he kept pushing me off him... not because he was afraid his granite-like sparkly peen would kill me... I asked if he wanted to watch porn (of course my idea of porn was watching all the parts of eclipse with Jasper and or putitng the 100 Monkeys DVD on repeat).... He didn't.

He kept saying how frustrated he was. 'Uh you...? What about leaving little ES hanging? How the fuck is that fair? First the world catches on that Jackson is fucking delicious and Jacksonitis spreads like a wild fire, so I settle for you because he is increasingly difficult to get alone, and now you leave me in the middle of a 14-yr-old's rub down?!' He proceeds to ask if making out was nice and if he made me feel good.... uh, what? Where? When you gave me blue-vagina? He asked if I would spend the night. At first, my reaction was, 'you've got to be fucking kidding me, the only time I ever stay at boys' houses are if I'm drunk, getting laid or drunk and getting laid and besides, I have to go home and stare at my framed photo of Jackson and take care of business'... Fine, I didn't say that either, but I thought it, and I'm sure my face conveyed it. He countered by saying the morning would be a sure-shot... This sparked my interest of course, so I stayed. We woke earrrrrly and had a repeat of the night before. We went to breakfast and had a weird, but not bad or awkward, goodbye. I left screaming "WHERE THE FUCK IS A VAMPIRE WHEN I NEED HIM!?"

Thurs night rolls around and I get a text as I'm at the gym, "Are you still at work?" "No, at the gym getting hot for Jackson- May's just around the corner" then nothing for an hour... I was sure the Jackson comment had caused the delay. An hour later I'm in the shower and my phone bleeps... "Hey, I was going to call you but I honestly don't know what I would say. I"m going through some things and am going to take a break from dating for awhile. You are amazing and it was great getting to know you. Maybe we can hang out in the future".

I responded matter of factly, 'No, sorry. Jackson may be popular, but we will surely be married by this next show.'


Ah... the wonderful world of dating I've had since the epic, cake-taker that was FuckFaceSonofABitch...
Alchomedic, Prick, SouthAfricaThatWouldntPay, EnglishDudeThatSaidHeWasDivorcedButWasn't, ShortieThatTalkedTooFuckingMuch, Psycho-Logist and now... BernarGra. Few should be so lucky to earn a nickname from me... but many do.

Jackson though? He wouldn't earn a nickname (MOS aside)... he would earn a plaque... in the shape of an MOS.

That being said, here are a few photos from 100 Monkey's show @ The Roxy Feb 19... Jen and I met up w/some lovely ladies, Zina, Linda, Jessica and the fab girls at Borderline Phenomenal , Jamie and Amanda... Just loved meeting them, too much fun!

MOS... need I say more?

I had the longest window of opportunity to snap shots
as he was staring directly at me, but they all fucking blurred...
my camera was more tingly nervous than me!

Killer smile

Jamie and I
Jessica and Jen
Jen & ES
Jaymes805, Elusive S, Demanda, TwiredJen
Sistas w/Zina

Muchos besos!

ES

Robsten- Marry you

Love this. That is all.

XOXO J

Now That I Can Breathe....

A while back my little Picasa program recommened I try http://www.picnik.com/ I checked it out quickly but was in the midst of doing other things. This time around, @Jaymes805 recommended it, when I'd asked her how she'd made her photos look super sweet. Most editing features are free, then there are a few that cost a monthly fee.


Anyhoo, after watching the WFE trailer a couple times, posting it and then watching it again, I'm now ready to talk about it.







Mmmmm, maybe not.







That said, check out these pictures I "enhanced."

Swoon.....

Mmm, love me some serious Rob.

Beautiful. Even with a bloody lip.

I'm not sure I'll have much to say about WFE until after Aril 22nd, 2011. I definitely plan to see it RIGHT when it comes out. Hmm, if it's a weekend, I'm up for midnight showing shenanigan. Anyone? Anyone?

P.S. Totally random, but DG (my s/0) read the book while we were in Maui and liked it. I was impressed he gave it a chance after knowing Rob was going to play Jacob. And the cherry on the cake? He saw the trailer tonight on AI & said he believes Rob is going to go on and do great things [Twilight wasn't great?] But he was worried that Reese would overshadow him... Hmmmm. Very poignant s/o! However, I assured him it's probably 80% Twilight fans that are going to see this movie, and most of us are ONLY going to be paying attention to Rob. Ok, I take it back, I love Reese as a lot of you do...I think they make a great duo...for THE MOVIE that is ;

XOXO J

I Have Chills.

I will come back and write more when it's possible to form a coherent thought...

For now, I have chills.

XOXO J

Cum Cullens...

Jackson was recently interviewed on a local morning radio show, and as usual, he sounds sexy as hell. Go HERE to listen! Admittedly, he sounds a bit muffled...being a Jackson expert, I've heard him crystal clear...and it's AMAZING!

Anyhoo, he makes mention of Edwards bachelor party in BD...SQUEEE! We didn't get ANY details in the book, other than that it would be tame. I'm wondering how much of a glimpse they'll give us???






What are your thoughts? Vampire strippers? Humans on parade (you know, Jessica & Angela throw on the booty shorts and do a little shimmy...) ?

Or maybe......

Hmm...

"Cum Cullen boys, I'll show you a REAL Bachelor Party. Have you met Svetlana?"

;)

XOXO J

Rob In The Outback.

Ok, so I was going to write a post on Rob's new VF photo shoot, but then I noticed the words "It's Britney Bitch" on my blog roll...Picture a kid walking down the street and noticing an ice cream shop. Yup, that's what Brit does to me. I used to LOVE her....before she got all bat shit crazy. But her name still grabs my attention. Anyhoo, Robzsinger pretty much said everything I wanted to say and more.

Originally, when I saw the pic last night on my side bar, I swooned. Then I looked at it on my computer and wanted to hit something.

At least we were graced with a bit of Finger Porn ;)

The hat is the problem...for me. I can deal with the Alligator...but I guess the Alligator wouldn't quite have the same effect minus the hat. I mean Annie Leibovitz was clearly trying to channel......

Crocodile Dundee!

Tip the hat, remove the crocodile teeth, and it's Rob's hat.

I can see why he didn't pose that way...we CAN NOT lose the finger porn. EVER.
Some of the pictures featured look a bit Amish. #Amishward was going around on twitter last night and I was PMSL. How great is that? It's classic.

I heard somewhere (can't remember now of course) that someone said they're trying to de-sexualize Rob. Uh..............what? I don't care how Amish or how Crocodile Dundee he looks, he's still HAWT!

Lose the hat and the alligator and I'm ALL OVER IT.

PS To see more of the HAWT pics from that photo shoot, go here.

XOXO J