Are you serious Rob?

Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do..........

POST SOME "Serious Rob" PIC SPAM!

I'm sure I won't hear anyone complaining.



Tux seriousness.

Naughty, but oh sooo good seriousness.

Comic Con San Diego/plaid seriousness.

More plaid/RM seriousness.

Remember Me/subway seriousness.

Rayban seriousness.

*NEW* Bell Ami seriousness..mmm.
Blk & Wht seriousness.


Nekkid Details seriousness.


And if that wasn't enough sexy seriousness for you...check out this vid. I know we think we've seen them all, but I promise you wont be disappointed.

XOXO J

Twilight while I shave?

I used to go to Target ALL the time; I'd find any excuse. But now that my RL has sucked lately, I haven't had any extra $$$ to spend on frivolous things. I'm currently trying to avoid Target like the plague. You know how it is, you go in for toilet paper and come out with a new tank top, some candles, a new pair of shoes & a bottle of wine...it's a disaster (not the wine)! Anyhoo, this mornings trip was purely motivated by necessity. NST bf & I needed tp, soap etc...I made my way over to the razor section and as I casually peruse my options, my eyes zero on "Bic Soleil Twilight" razors...& they're on sale! Much to my dismay, the bin was empty. However right next to it, I notice Bic Soleil has these...but they weren't on sale...

Of course I got them.

Normally I would have purchased refills for my Venus razor...but a pack of 5 is like $12! It's rape I tell you. Anyhoo, it seems as though Bic is marketing the Twi crowd. Of course they aren't "official" Twilight merchandise, but if it causes me to think of Twilight every time I shave, well then, I'm a happy customer. Still don't know if the "Bella" ones were on sale too...have to look at my receipt. I'm almost glad I didn't have a choice between "Twilight" & "Bella." I might have been standing there for a LONG time.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe...

There was one other thing I wanted to get while I was at Target. Technically it's not considered a necessity...

I want this.

But, they didn't have it. And to be honest, I didn't have time to ask about it...I had to get in & get out of there FAST. Anyhoo, do any of you own this? And if so, what did you think of it? Tell me in the comments!



XOXO J

Taylor vs. a real WOMAN.

Ok, so if you have seen any of my recent captions for the Eclipse stills, you'd know I like to make fun of our dear Taylor Lautner & call him gay. Do I really think he is? No.

Case & point...here are some pics of Tay & his Dad at a Lakers game the other day...

Whatcha lookin' at Tay?

Hiding something below your hands there Taylor?

Taylor's mind: "Gee whiz, Taylor Swift didn't have curves like this......."

Watcha thinkin bout'?
Leaning forward for a reason?

Kristen's mind: "That better be your fucking phone Taylor!"

Dear Taylor,
I'm just having a little fun here at Twired. Please don't take any offense. You are a very handsome boy, & I'm sure if I was 13, I'd have pictures of you on my bedroom wall. I'll even let ya in on a little secret. That scene, in New Moon, you know the one....where you swift-ly land in Bella's bedroom...HOLY SHIT...your ass is out of control. I could totally rest my Michelob Ultra on it!
Best wishes,
Twired Jen

PS...might wanna turn volume down...sounds like it was recorded in a theater.

XOXO J

Shake, Rattle & Roll!

This is what came up when I google imaged "Robert Pattinson & Earthquake."


Pretty much an earthquake in your panties ;)

A 7.2 earthquake, centered near Guadalupe Mexico rattled San Diego county
today...it was even felt up North in Los Angeles. Elusive S & I were sitting out on my parents back deck (on stilts above the back yard) enjoying our various adult beverages, and laughing the afternoon away. All of a sudden, Not So Twired Mom tells the doggies to stop scratching underneath the table, then asks us if we're shaking it...Slowly it begins to dawn on us simultaneously....

Say it! Out loud....

VAMPIRE...errr....blink...twitch...blink, blink....I mean....

EARTHQUAKE!!!

My Dad comes out to the deck & tells us to come inside...or at least get off of the deck. You should have seen us! We were all talking at once...

Dad: "Get in the door frame!"

Jen: "Dad, that is so 1985. We have to get near a coffee table, or something heavy to break the fall of falling things!"

Dad: "Go out front..."

Sista' (aka Elusive S): "Dad, the front door is glass! Not a good idea!"

Mom: "Everyone, stop talking!"

Jen: "I like Twilight....." jk

Rumbling STOPS. We all look around...some laughing, some wide eyed. Dad's on the computer immediately checking out the National Earthquake-something-rather website...(like father, like daughter!)

Me & Elusive S. *pre earthquake*

Needless to say, we're all fine. My Dad later discovered a hairline crack in their sun-room, and I came home to a broken picture frame & a scurrred kitty cat. Just now, the tv shook a bit and the kitty grabbed the carpet with his claws...minor after shock...I kid you not.

On another note (and I promise it ties into the whole earthquake thing) Mrs. P from Twibite & C.C. from Confessions of a Cullenary Curser (luv u two!) affectionately like to poke fun at the fact that I'm always interested in where other bloggy ladies are from. Is it part nosiness? Yes...a tad. But mostly it's because I enjoy geography and tend to associate people with where they're from. ...like a way to remember them if you will.

Anyhoo, after the recent Chilean earthquake, a Tsunami threat was looming over the Pacific coast, more specifically...Hawaii. Who was the first person I thought of? Honolulu Girl from True Blood Twilight! While watching news coverage of the mid-west & east coast getting pummeled by winter storms...I immediately thought of Lisa from 17foreverlisa & LKW, among many others. When the Olympics were taking place in Vancouver, I often thought of Twilightcupcake from Twilight, Travel & Treats. When the RM premiere was announced for NYC, who were the first girls I thought about? JJ & STY from Twitarded & of course Mrs. P! I think of my bloggie besties a lot in RL.

Today I retunred home to an email from LKW...she'd heard about the quake & wanted to see if Elusive S & I were ok. Though we're all a bunch of crazy-twitarded-biotches, we're also a very caring community of friends. And, without getting all f*cking sappy on you...it warmed my heart. There...nuff' of that.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter Sunday. We puffy heart you all!


XOXO J

Cheers to Easter!

I didn't grow up in a religious household, & Easter isn't my favorite holiday (X-MAS!)
It's not that my parents didn't believe in God, it's just that they ( more specifically my Mom) encouraged us to believe in a higher power than ourselves. She wanted the "idea" of God, to be an open one. (so Mom, would it be ok to believe in Rob?)

My Mom attended the "Church of England" up until the age of 5, when she moved to America. And my Dads parents were Protestant, I believe. Neither one grew up attending Church with any regularity. Nor did we. My Mom did insist Elusive S & I say our prayers every night. While growing up, that's about as religious as our household got.

Of course we celebrate all the typical holidays, but what I specifically love, is that it's really an excuse for us all to get together to eat, drink & be merry. My family is small, but we sure do have a blast together. Unfortunately I work tomorrow (Easter Sunday) morning (such is life in the hotel biz), however I'm off by 1pm, and heading over to my parents house...which we affectionately call Hermosa. By 1:30pm, I'm guaranteed to have one of these in my hand...

I'm like Pavlov's dog...mouth already watering...

...and food on my plate. Doesn't look like the weather is going to be very sunny, which kind of sucks donkey balls because my parents back deck is mucho perfecto for sun-worshiping. Oh well, I'm sure E.S. & I will make the best of it...2 or 3 or 4 drinks in ;)

But before I bid you adieu', someone would like to...

....hop on over and wish you you a Happy Easter!

Now THAT could get me into Easter!

Wait a twi-minute...we couldn't let Rob have all the fun now could we?!

Elusive S

Twired Jen

HAPPY EASTER TWITARDS!!!

XOXO J

Ask Twired Jen, intallment #3

Hello again! You asked, I answered. For the time being, this looks to be the last installment of "Ask Twired Jen." However if you haven't participated, or think of a really kick ass Twi-related question, post it in the comments!

Drum roll please......first up, itsjustme1217 from Robmusement!

Q. Put yourself in Bella's shoes, what would you have done differently during the critical times through the novels?

"Would this be considered a critical time?"

A. To be perfectly honest with you...twitch, twitch...blink, blink... I hope this doesn’t sound like a cop-out, but I can’t even begin to fathom being in Bella’s shoes. I was never a fan of fiction to begin with, let alone Vampire novels, so it’s very hard to imagine myself in her shoes. I definitely fell in love with, and respected her throughout the entire saga. She comes across as such a unique & unselfish individual for her age. I loved experiencing things through her eyes. Besides, knowing me, I'd just mess things up. I was nowhere near as mature as Bella at that age.


Next up, the ever so SASSY, Mrs. P from Twibite!

Q. Would you rather have sex with RPattz for 5 minutes (and then he leaves) or with Jackson all night long (and then he takes you for breakfast in the morning)?

A. I admit, this took me some time. Give it to Mrs. P to stump me.....I’m going to have to say Rob, for 5 minutes. I’m DYING to know what he’s got going on down there...plus it’s just enough time to make him fall unconditionally and irrevocably in love withe me ;) In all honesty, I’m scared to have sex all night long with Jackson. Something is telling me he’s packin’, and my lil’vajayjay just can’t take it. It starts to hurt after a while; clearly, I could never be a porn star. Damn, that dream is crushed ;)

"What...you can't handle this?"

The lovely twilightcupcake from Twilight, Travel & Treats asked a question too!

Q. If you had to choose between dating and fucking Jackson for one week or being Robs assistant - nothing sexual- for a year which would you do?

A. I think I’ll probably get raked over the coals for this one...but if I was single and not settled (meaning I could up and move to LA)...I’d sooooo want to be Robs assistant. Here’s why...IF, I dated and fucked Jackson for a week, that clearly means it didn’t work out...so I’d want to save face and not attend any more 100 Monkeys shows...which SUCKS, because they ROCK. Being Robs assistant would allow me to be in almost constant proximity to him (hello Stephanie Ritz)...and I might even become friends with him and the Stew, while making bu-ku bucks. To be honest...that would be enough.

Sure, I’m obsessed with him...but not a “must meet him and fuck him” sorta’ way...does that make any sense? Not that I wouldn’t f*ck him, given the opportunity...it’s just that this tiny part of me fears it would ruin the fascination I have with him...& I like the current “mystery.” Almost like ignorance is bliss. But, then again...maybe if I fed him enough beer...he’d forget about KStew...and decide to f*ck me, his "assistant." (sorry for the indecisiveness, it's my middle name!)

"Another beer Rob?"

"Steal Rob, I'll f*ck you up."

Up next, another faithful follower ATXgal76!

Q. Are you completely out and proud about you Rob/Twi love in RL to all your RL friends and family?

A. I am out & proud like this dude...

"I love Twilight, ya'll !!!"

Ok, not quite...But yes, it’s not anything I hide. Am I flamboyant about it? Not really...unless I’m around those very close to me. If you haven't yet seen the post I did that included birthday party pics, check it out here. I don’t purposely try and hide my obsession around random people...if it comes up, it comes up...I have an “Edward/New Moon” key chain, which spawns conversations. I also have this bumper sticker in the back of my car:

It's not super obvious, unless you're a Twihard.

Q2. If you are out and proud, do you openly try and recruit others or only on the sly?

A2. I don’t go up to random strangers, but in conversations with new people, I may or may not slip in something Twi-related to see if they bite...no pun intended. (totally intended)


Honolulugirl from True Blood Twilight asked a great question, that was still Twi-related! (though I warn you, my answer might bore you to tears)

Q. What else do you like to do besides blog, etc.. I mean do you have other outlets for your creativity? Paint, write... ? I'm a nosy fuck, aren't I? :)

A. There’s stuff to do besides blog & search for Twi-stuff? jk, blogging right now is definitely my creative outlet. My poor journal has been neglected.

I'm a huge homebody....love being curled up on the couch with my cat & a good book or tv show (is it shitty I didn't say my bf?) However, I really enjoy spending time with my family. I'm super close with my Mom, Dad & Sister. Just hanging out with them, sharing some drinks/food is always a good time. I love the beach, taking pictures, rollerblading, swimming, concerts, mini-road trips, cleaning (yup, twat waffles, that's right) painting my toe nails & shopping (when I have extra $$$, which hasn't been lately!)

Last, but certainly not least, SmartEpantz77 asks me a crazy question...cause she's a crazy biotch...with a NEW BLOG! Check it out here.

This may hurt just a little...

Q. Standing in front of you are Rob, Jackson, Kellan and Kristen. KFMA BIATCH Let's hear it....

A. Ok, seeing as I had to ask what A was...well I just assumed K was Kill, and I don’t like Kill, so let’s say KISS ;) Marry, Fuck, Kiss, Anal (great....)

Marry: Rob (like I mentioned in a previous answer, I could f*ck him every day if we were hitched )

Fuck: Jackson (hell yah Fuck him, then marry Rob...sweet)

Kiss: Kellan (he’s got great lips )

Anal: Kristen, because I don’t do it (it, being ANAL), & Kstew can’t do it ;) AND NO, she doesn’t have access to a dildo SmartEpantz, get your damn mind out of the gutter.

Thank you to all the ladies that participated in this edition of "Ask Twired Jen!"

As a prize, I present to you, the EVOLUTION OF THE CULLENS!

Pretty cool...
Eclipsemovie.org



XOXOXO
J

This trumps my last post...

Sometimes something comes along that is just too good not to post. Know what I mean? So if you're curious what my post was this morning, scroll down my friend. Otherwise, here are some pics that are bound to get your lady bits a quiverin'....

BEWARE:

If you don't have Jacksonitis...exposing yourself to these pics might be a risk...


A risk worth taking :)

*I AM DEAD* (wait till Elusive S. sees these!)

M.O.S....nuff' said.

Hey there boys.
Jared, Uncle Larry, Ben G. Jackson & Ben J.
(lost the stache & grew the hair eh BJ? Lookin' good!)

The boys are currently touring with their band 100 Monkeys in FL...if you're in the area, check em' out! And check future tour dates. They totally rock live!

* Pics from Eclipsemovie.org

Closure

After much thought, Elusive S & I have decided to close down our blog.
Don't get us wrong, we have had soooo much fun posting and keeping up with the latest Twi-news, but it's become so time-consuming. To top it off, when you're not getting paid to do something that is this time-consuming, it becomes more of a chore, and less of a joy. We'd like to keep in touch with everyone of course, and Twired Jen will remain on twitter.

Sionara!




APRIL FOOLS BIOTCHES!!!!!

xoxoxo how could we?

"You scared me for a second there...thank god."