Monday, April 5, 2010

Taylor vs. a real WOMAN.

Ok, so if you have seen any of my recent captions for the Eclipse stills, you'd know I like to make fun of our dear Taylor Lautner & call him gay. Do I really think he is? No.

Case & are some pics of Tay & his Dad at a Lakers game the other day...

Whatcha lookin' at Tay?

Hiding something below your hands there Taylor?

Taylor's mind: "Gee whiz, Taylor Swift didn't have curves like this......."

Watcha thinkin bout'?
Leaning forward for a reason?

Kristen's mind: "That better be your fucking phone Taylor!"

Dear Taylor,
I'm just having a little fun here at Twired. Please don't take any offense. You are a very handsome boy, & I'm sure if I was 13, I'd have pictures of you on my bedroom wall. I'll even let ya in on a little secret. That scene, in New Moon, you know the one....where you swift-ly land in Bella's bedroom...HOLY SHIT...your ass is out of control. I could totally rest my Michelob Ultra on it!
Best wishes,
Twired Jen

PS...might wanna turn volume down...sounds like it was recorded in a theater.



  1. You're so funny. It's like Taylor is your little brother (except for the part about his ass). ;)

  2. LMAO!!! That picture of Taylor looking at the the Laker Girl is too funny, along with your caption. Thank God the b&w image of GQ Rob off to my right saved the day ;)


  3. Those are funny pics, I love your captions and your letter is hilarious!

  4. Hahahaaa! He is a cutie pie...I hope he gets sexier with age cuz now I just feel like he's cute in a he's-friends-with-my-little-brother kinda way.
    Although you are totally fuckin'a right about the window maneuver...and he looks so intense. Yep. That's smooth.
    When Bella knuckles his abs in that scene? Um, yeah, I can almost hear it, and she kinda looks like she doesn't wanna stop touchin'. Am I right??

  5. Taylor looks overwhelmed at the sight of the cheerleader close up! LOL to where you "swiftly" land. I'll be interested to find out who he dates next.

    And in the tent scene in Eclipse Kristen will again be thinking "that better be your fuckin' phone Taylor! For Godsakes' Rob is right here!"

  6. I still think his lips look like a vagina.

    W/V---nadds. LMAO!!!

  7. LMAO - I so am not team Jacob. He's cute and his body is rockin' but just too much of a baby face for me. I think a little bit of it is his voice too. Dunno, I usually go for the clean-cut types. Maybe I'm just too distracted cause I'm always comparing him to Robward.

    @smartEpantz I agree about the scene in Bella's room and her not wanting to stop touching his abs. Hells yeah!..."Stand right there, so I can do some laundry..."

  8. So sorry, but I just can't think of Taylor THAT WAY at all. He is wayyyyyyy...yyyyy too young. It's too squicky for me. My oldest son turns 16 soon and Tay is only a little itty bit older than that. I might have peeked a little at the muscles in NM but I couldn't help it - THEY WERE EVERYWHERE!

    Just looking made me feel Mrs Robinsonish...and now that I am a little older I am starting to have so much sympathy for her. Teenage boys just LOVE to try out their stuff/lines on older women. My son's 16 yo friend was over the other day after a day of skateboarding and was just walking around in low jeans and no shirt flirting with!!!!


Say it...OUT LOUD!