Saturday, January 22, 2011

I'm Not Chill, Like Bella.

One of my Mom's friends works part time at this bridal boutique super close to our home. When she found out I was getting married she insisted I come down to "look," because the boutique was closing down...and thus had crazy sales. Being the penny pincher that I am, I jumped at the opportunity. My Grandma is buying my dress, but even still, I can't imagine spending a ton of just seems stupid to me. Of course I want to feel beautiful & I want to LOVE the dress, but I'm only going to wear it once. Frugality rears it's ugly head.......

So today my Mom, Gma (abbreviation for Grandma) and I went to lunch & had some drinks...mimosas to be exact.

Heaven in a glass.

ES had to work and met up with us after lunch at the boutique. Funny enough, I called her frantically begging her to bring me some underwear. I don't wear underwear all the time and realized that it might be highly inappropriate while trying on dresses. ES surprised the heck out of me by stopping at Victoria's and buying me... and herself... some super cute undies...mine had cupcakes on them! Anyhoo, the second I walked into the store, I could tell it was a no-go. I didn't see anything that looked remotely simple. EVERYTHING had major lace, glitter and or beading. Those things are just not me. I like SIMPLE. Of course I didn't want to offend my Mom's friend, so I tried on about 6 dresses...each practically had me dry heaving. I could tell she felt my pain...she was just working their part time and was just trying to help. After realizing I WAS NOT going to find the dress of my dreams, ES quickly and ever so non-nonchalantly made an appointment at another store. Off we went...hopes high. GAG. We walked in to this store and it was like BLING CENTRAL. Plus, they had nothing under about 2K. Call me cheap, but again, I just can't see spending that much on a dress....even if my Grandma is footing the bill.

So we snuck out! LOL!

At least I come away from this whole experience knowing what I like and don't like. I HATE lace & don't particularly like beading & or glitter.....I do like strapless, fitted with a sweetheart we shall see.

I can't believe Bella wore that high neck Victorian-era dress for her wedding. She appeared to be so "chill" about "oh well, I'm going to look totally out of date, but whatever....I'm marrying a Vampire and going to have hot Vampire sex for the rest of my life, so what does it matter?!" I guess I'd wear a trash bag, as long as I was marrying Edward ;) I'm dying to know what we'll see her in for the ACTUAL movie wedding.

In honor of wedding dresses, I present you with some hideous dresses:

Seriously girl, you REALLY made accommodations for your belly?!?
Christ, might as well have had Renesmee tear a the hole for ya!

Woah...I'm all about the "Sweetheart neck" but sweetheart, this is BRUTAL.

I was going to make a joke about some sort of animal attached to your shoulders........

Is that a ribbed condom, or a dress?

I kind of want to like this...but it's like the meadow threw up on her.

What did your wedding dress look like? Did you know what you want when you went to look?
Advice is much appreciated.

That is all.

P.S. ES is a sneaky biotch for tweeting that pic. I wish she would have waited until I actually found one I loved...with I didn't. She did have a ton of great advice though..and she knows me!

P.S.S. Dangrdafne inspired me......if you feel ballsy enough, send me a pic with you in YOUR wedding dress! I wanna see!



  1. The dress I absolutely loved and adored my hubby to be hated - I showed him a picture after I found the dress as one of the set he could pick from for ideas of what he liked. He hated it.

    I knew I would have very simple and I even had DangrDonna make my dress. It was simple with no bows, bling or anything. Just a little jacket. I will email you a picture.

  2. Jeezus. Some of those leave me speechless. Boobalicious in the second pic reminds me of the fanpic of Rob a few months back with the chick with the bazookas out.

    Obv, I've never worn a wedding dress but when I do it will be simple, no frills, probably strapless.

    Whatever you choose, it'll be gorgeous. And I might even be cheeky enough to ask for a preview showing!

  3. Amy- You will get a preview...PROMISE. x

    DD- Loved your dress...simple & classic.

  4. So I've never worn a wedding dress but I've worn seven bridesmaids dresses. That's right...SEVEN. Hopefully this isn't one of those "always the bridesmaid" moments. I want to wear a wedding dress one day but I'm perfectly content on waiting for, I mean, I mean the right guy to come along.

    I did however have to go to two wedding shops in San Diego to try on the bridesmaids dresses so if you need names of shops, I can give you the names. Hopefully they aren't the ones you went to today haha.

    When I do get married, I think I'm going to have to do cap sleeves (like the dress in Sweet Home Alabama, LOVED her dress) or something along those lines. I'm super picky about my arms...unless I have the most wickedly toned arms in the world and no armpit spillage, I can't do strapless. I never wear strapless dresses or shirts...couldn't even do it when I was a little twig back in the day for some reason. Weird, I know.

    Loved the pic of you in the dress! Your hair is so damn cute, makes me miss having that hair (I had mine like that before it grew out to the mess that it is now.) :)

  5. Jaymes- LOL...Your arms are fine!!!! I hate my arms and cap sleeves are the worst for mine...funny that you prefer them. I feel like they make mine look bigger.

    Thanks for the hair compliment...I feel like I'm in need of highlights...desperately.

  6. I don't know if I've commented here before. Love this place!!!

    It's your day and you want to look beautiful. The dress has to be You. If it's not your style or what you love, you'll know it. I picked the dress out of the rack, put it on and knew it was it immediately. Then I found it in a bridal magazine and took it to other bridal stores and got it cheaper than where I tried it on. It was Peau de Soie, which is a very matte finish. The bodice had pearl beading. A-line, long sleeved boat neck. The skirt had box pleats. I don't know how to post a photo with this, but I would. I absolutely loved wearing it that day.

    I wish you the best of luck on your quest for "THE" dress.

  7. @hisbella- Thank you for taking the time to comment!!! Your dress sounds beautiful, and you are so right that it HAS to feel like You, you get what I mean.

    Is it totally bizarre that my google ads are currently displaying an ANN TAYLOR bridal ad?! Big Brother creepy.

  8. I love cyber-twilighting on a Saturday night... This means yes, I'm married. and yes, I have kids. This will eventually equal you once you find the dress of your umm dreams.
    I love this post. I think my dress shopping experience was exactly like that. Except for the no panties part.. I was always the one that thought I would get into a car accident and be rushed to the hospital without panties.
    Way off track there, sorry..
    There are 2 pieces of advice I can give you when you do decide on a dress. First, Does it cost more than the wedding itself? Second, Can you spill champagne on it, rip at least one hole while you're dancing in it, bend over and maybe have to hold your breath, and accept that the garter belt is probably closer to your no panty wearing ass and that's okay because you still look smokin hot? Then you're good to go girl! Congratulations!

  9. My dress was not what I would've picked out if I'd had more time. No, I wasn't pregnant, but hubs & I saw no point in planning for like a year, so we threw our wedding together in 2 weeks. I wore an off-the-rack wedding dress, complete with a high neck (so not me, but 1 condition with me was I had to get married in a gown), and it was a JUNE wedding! We had a church wedding (not Catholic, obviously) and a small reception in our back yard. We pretty much paid for it so we had to watch costs. Anyhoo... we have been happily married since 1983! I will email you a pic ASAP.

    After all that, get the dress of your dreams, especially since you have plenty of time. Personally, style didn't matter to me, as long as I was wearing a "wedding gown" (but it did NOT look anything like those pics you posted). I do have some standards, lol!

  10. Oh, I'm so e-mailing you a pic of my dress. I loved it.

    BUT I hated the dress shopping, like I told you earlier. I felt like it was a lot of pressure, and my Mom (who is crazy) went with me almost every time and would get weirdly obsessed with details like what earrings I would wear with each dress and shit like that - it was not fun. I went to almost every store in town, and some in the suburbs, and the dress I eventually picked was one I didn't even pick out - the salesgirl who was helping me had me put it on because she wanted to show me the differences in color with my skin tone (you know, ivory versus white, etc), and the dress had been left in the room by the last bride. It was like fate, I loved it instantly and just knew it was mine. I had to go back without my Mom to make sure, and my bridesmaid agreed and I bought it right there. The best part? It was way cheaper than most of the other dresses I tried on. Score!

    You're probably not going to like it (it has beads and bling), but I'm definitely e-mailing a picture!

    Now, as to yours, my advice is the same as above - you just have to be true to YOU. You should feel comfortable and beautiful (and not comfortable like you want to lay on the couch in it, although that wouldn't be bad, just comfortable like you feel like you) in the dress, and that's what matters most. I'm also a firm believer that you know when you find it as soon as it's on and you see yourself. You just know.

    As for Bella, that bitch didn't even WANT to get married, so she deserved an ugly, outdated dress, IMO! ;) Of course, once she realizes she's going to live FOREVER, she might regret the dress when she has to look at the pictures of it forever, LOL.

    Good luck with your search, big ((((HUGS)))), and feel free to commiserate on wedding planning anytime. It's important that you vent! Loves.

  11. First off... is that pic of tits mcgee me? holy eff... shoot me if I ever stuff my knockers into
    something that small...

    secondly thankyou

    thirdly... might not have been YOUR dress.. but thought you looked cute (expression)


    PS we will not post/tweet YOUR dress when you get it because it has to be a surprise my love.

  12. Oh I loved wedding dress shopping (minus any pushy sales ladies who tried to tell me what I liked.) And not because I'm a princess but because I found dresses I loved in every store I went to. If I could have bought 10 different dresses I would have and I remember what all of them looked like. One I loved was 4x more $$ than the one I bought and I viewed it the way you do, it WAS about money and wearing it one day so I completely understand that. There was one dress I tried on in every store that had it that I loved and that is the one I bought.

    It was actually the most ornate of all the dresses I liked. Most of what I liked was very simple with slight accents not overly anything but it had beading on it that formed very subtle designs.

    I'm probably not going to send you a picture but the top of it was similar to Natalie's from the Dixie chicks in the video Ready to Run from the Runaway Bride movie. :)

    There are no words for how ridiculous those dresses are in the pictures above.

    And thank God Elusive S bought/brought you panties! LMAO!!!

  13. well, I'm sorry you did't find the dress of your dreams.

    googling tacky weddings is a hobby of mine. this is my fave, or rather, makes me go WTF???? I swear the MOB had a bra sewn out the outside of her dress. And that they asked guests to dress as streetwalkers! Anyh00r, cracks me up!

  14. Congratulations on your engagement!!! (I know I am a little late with that)

    I was a mess when planning my wedding, but once I realized I didn't have to plan it all this minute I was a lot better!

    Dress shopping took me about 3 months and my mother and I went to every bridal store within the tri-state area. I originally thought I wanted a cap sleeve, but all the ones I tried on were horrible. I ended up with a dress I tried on at the first store I went to. It was strapless with lots of beading and a big puffy tulle skirt. I loved it!! After I tried that on, I would compare every dress to it, and none of them measured up.

    My suggestion would be to try on some styles that maybe aren't your favorite because you might actually like them more than what you thought you wanted.

    Good luck and try to have fun with it!

  15. I was blinged out. And super pouffy. I had a train that was very long and lots of sparkles.
    If I had to choose again I would probably have gone simpler....but that day I loved it and I remember how I felt in it. Like a princess!

  16. I loved wedding dress shopping! The dress I bought was actually the second I tried on of many. I had to go back and try it on again to make sure I hadn't just convinced myself it was more beautiful and perfect for me than it was. Then I ordered it off the internet for about 60% less than the store wanted.

    It was an ivory satin Maggie Sottero strapless gown with a slight sweetheart neckline and a little beading across the bodice and down on one hip where the skirt gathered a little. It had a slight flare to the skirt (I wore one hoop skirt to hold it out a little) and a small train.

    Funnily enough, I went into the whole thing with the same ideas as you: sweetheart neckline, strapless, NO lace, NO bling. Well, I got most of it right, but found out that a little bling was actually just what the doctor (er, bride?) ordered.

    So my advice to you is this:
    1) Corsetry is a BITCH. It was fucking uncomfortable from about 20 minutes after I put it on until the moment my husband cut me out of it that night (funny story, actually), but it looked AMAZING and was worth it not to have to worry about lumps and bumps all day.
    2) Try on a wide variety of dresses, including some that are different from what you had in mind. You never know what will look amazing on you until you do.

    That day, my new husband (who had not seen the dress until the day - we're traditional like that)told me that it was the best dress he had ever seen.

    Happy hunting!

  17. Mrs P- I could have guessed you were bling'd out...LMAO! But you pull of bling well!

    Everyone else...thank you so much for sharing your stories, I have absolutely loved reading them. And for those of you that sent me pics...LOVE THEM! So much fun to see.

    xo J

  18. Jen, keep those wedding dress shopping stories coming cause you are too wonderful! Hang in there and I know you'll find exactly the perfect one for you. When I went shopping for my dress, I already knew what I was looking for and bought the only dress I tried on. It had a sweetheat neck and was kinda princessy. I think you already saw my wedding picture at my house, but I'll email you a copy. Those first two horrific dress pictures in your post absolutely slay me!!!!!


Say it...OUT LOUD!