Monday, March 28, 2011

ASkars Thinks My Boobs Are Perfect. Please Don't Hate Me Rob.

I had a very long and involved dream last night. But I'll save you the torture and just share the parts that were clear and concise:

I was in some sort of room, similar to a restaurant or cafeteria. There was some kind of demonstration going on as to how to remove the heart from a member of the Volturi. Bizarre, I know. This probably has to do with the fact that DG was watching some movie last night where Denzel Washington was trying to save the life of his child who desperately needed a heart transplant. ANYHOO, after the demonstration I'm sitting around a cafeteria-style table with some friends and in walks the cast of True Blood. Of course I reacted as I could only imagine I would in real life....hyper ventilating and sqeeeing to my friends...practically orgasm-ing as I
lock eyes with Alexander Skarsgard.

"I can make you wet in 0.5 seconds

Fast fwd through the stuff I don't remember.......Next thing I know I'm in a bikini pushing myself across the floor on a pool toy in front of ASkars. Don't ask....think cheesy Maxim photo-shoot. Fortunately, he seems to like what he sees. He keeps staring at my ass, which I find ironic, considering it's practically non existent. Then all of a sudden I'm laying perpendicular to him with my back resting against his cream smooth & chiseled chest. We're on someone's sundeck and the houses are super close together. Much to my pleasure, he's eye-f*cking me, and I'm barely able to keep my lady bits in check. Naturally he proceeds to tell me how amazing my boobs are. He says they're perfectly sized and shaped. No shit, your skinny bitch has mosquito bumps & eating a hamburger wouldn't hurt, I think to myself. All of a sudden I realize I need to go get gas...WTF?!? Way to cock block my dream, car! So I excuse myself and tell Alex I'll be back asap. I rush off to the gas station and just as I finish paying & start to walk towards my asshole car, a gangsta' bitch decides to hold up the damn mini-mart! I drop to the pavement and she puts a gun in my mouth....(damn Denzel movie!)...I'm laying there with this silver gun in my mouth, not afraid for my life, but cursing the fact that I might miss out on the best sex of my life. FML!?! Then, I wake up.

I know, my dreams are effed up! Anyhoo, I'm sorry Rob, I adore you more than life itself...and you are sooo ridiculous beautiful it kills me. But, Alexander Skarsgard does things to me that should be illegal. Maybe it's because I am a huge Robsten fan...and incessant fantasizing about you makes me feel dirty? Possibly. I also kinda get how some girls have this distaste for KStew. Of course I don't, because I fell in love with Rob at the same time I fell in love with KStew, make sense?! To me, they're almost a packaged deal. BUT Kate Bosworth...I have no real ties to her beside Blue Crush (I freakin' LOVE that movie.) Otherwise, the bitch & her mosquito bites need to leave him alone.

See, she's like me, only SKINNY as f*ck.
ASkars needs to get a clue.

That is all.



  1. Haha dude your dreams crack me up! You always somehow seem to get cock blocked in the weirdest ways though! Lol.

    Ahh reading one of your old blog posts, I remember when you didnt get the appeal of ASkars. I used to feel that way about Rob. Yes, I know.. I just shunned myself from the Twi-community. But that was before I actually saw Twilight and just saw who they were casting to play Edward. Right when I saw the movie, I got it. Now I need to watch TB!

    Totally had no idea ASkars and KBos were dating! I'm clearly behind the times.

  2. You tell him lovely. Gah Kate Bosworth is just blah! I wish I could remember my dreams. I talk in my sleep though so that might be dangerous if I dream of Rob or Askars with my kids around.....

  3. I love that we both post about our random dreams!

    ASkars FTW...

  4. LMFAO!!! I've had some real crazy involved dreams but this is mindblowing! How many dreams now has it been about this man? At least you are consistent!

    I had no idea he was dating Kate Bosworth. Lucky her. I guess the only thing she needs now is for him to cook for her.

  5. Cock blocked in a dream, by your car?! LMFAO!!!!

    Hmmm, now I wanna send KBos some bandaids for her mosquito bites! ;)

  6. I had a vivid dream about Alex once and it was awesome and as much as I try to have dreams about Rob, I just don't really.

    Your dream is hilarious, specially you sliding across the floor on a pool toy.


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