OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! *Movie Spoiler Free

I think I speak for the majority of the fandom when I say:



Today, my eyes bared witness to some glorious Breaking Dawn stills.  But no spoilers here.The spoiler h00r is NOT going to post them.  I know, shocking. Admittedly, I'm too scared to post them. That doesn't mean I don't have them......Think Edward ripping Renesmee from Bella's uterus, Edward pumping Bella in bed on Isle Esme, Bella laying lifeless on a makeshift gurney. OH, and did I mentioned Edward PUMPING Bella full of his vampjuice? YES folks, I know, I mentioned it. BUT HOLY SHITBALLS! I am still in shock. His arms on the headboard are a sight to be seen. How is the movie supposed to be rated just PG 13?!?

Do you think Scummit released them as a teaser...you know, to stir things up? I mean we were feeling a little lethargic in the BD department...it was approaching near drought status. 

Have you seen the pics? Thoughts? Gah!!! I am so overwhelmed.

XOXO J

Oh Edward.....Do Me!

Curious? Click here.

...and no, it doesn't lead you to a porn site state of euphoria, but pretty damn close!

:)

ASkars Thinks My Boobs Are Perfect. Please Don't Hate Me Rob.

I had a very long and involved dream last night. But I'll save you the torture and just share the parts that were clear and concise:

I was in some sort of room, similar to a restaurant or cafeteria. There was some kind of demonstration going on as to how to remove the heart from a member of the Volturi. Bizarre, I know. This probably has to do with the fact that DG was watching some movie last night where Denzel Washington was trying to save the life of his child who desperately needed a heart transplant. ANYHOO, after the demonstration I'm sitting around a cafeteria-style table with some friends and in walks the cast of True Blood. Of course I reacted as I could only imagine I would in real life....hyper ventilating and sqeeeing to my friends...practically orgasm-ing as I
lock eyes with Alexander Skarsgard.

"I can make you wet in 0.5 seconds

Fast fwd through the stuff I don't remember.......Next thing I know I'm in a bikini pushing myself across the floor on a pool toy in front of ASkars. Don't ask....think cheesy Maxim photo-shoot. Fortunately, he seems to like what he sees. He keeps staring at my ass, which I find ironic, considering it's practically non existent. Then all of a sudden I'm laying perpendicular to him with my back resting against his cream smooth & chiseled chest. We're on someone's sundeck and the houses are super close together. Much to my pleasure, he's eye-f*cking me, and I'm barely able to keep my lady bits in check. Naturally he proceeds to tell me how amazing my boobs are. He says they're perfectly sized and shaped. No shit, your skinny bitch has mosquito bumps & eating a hamburger wouldn't hurt, I think to myself. All of a sudden I realize I need to go get gas...WTF?!? Way to cock block my dream, car! So I excuse myself and tell Alex I'll be back asap. I rush off to the gas station and just as I finish paying & start to walk towards my asshole car, a gangsta' bitch decides to hold up the damn mini-mart! I drop to the pavement and she puts a gun in my mouth....(damn Denzel movie!)...I'm laying there with this silver gun in my mouth, not afraid for my life, but cursing the fact that I might miss out on the best sex of my life. FML!?! Then, I wake up.

I know, my dreams are effed up! Anyhoo, I'm sorry Rob, I adore you more than life itself...and you are sooo ridiculous beautiful it kills me. But, Alexander Skarsgard does things to me that should be illegal. Maybe it's because I am a huge Robsten fan...and incessant fantasizing about you makes me feel dirty? Possibly. I also kinda get how some girls have this distaste for KStew. Of course I don't, because I fell in love with Rob at the same time I fell in love with KStew, make sense?! To me, they're almost a packaged deal. BUT Kate Bosworth...I have no real ties to her beside Blue Crush (I freakin' LOVE that movie.) Otherwise, the bitch & her mosquito bites need to leave him alone.

See, she's like me, only SKINNY as f*ck.

ASkars needs to get a clue.

That is all.

XOXO J

Sharing Is Caring.....

....It Also Might Mean You're F*cking ;)

Just sayin'

Via

If these aren't blatant statments of LOVE, then I don't know what is.

XOXO J

Sometimes He's So Beautiful, It Hurts.

Do you know what I mean when I say that? Of course you do, or you probably wouldn't be here reading this....... It's as if his beauty is overwhelming, almost to the point of being unbearable. *Sigh*

The suit, those lips...gah!  I really cannot wait to see WFE.  Just a few more weeks and we'll all be basking in the glory that is Robowski. Admittedly, I never liked the hair. BUT, everything else about his gorgeous being will over rule that minor detail.

PS I had a Rob dream last night. Very detailed, but only remember a mix of things. Maybe once I have gone through it all, I will share. It's a bit too muddled at the moment.

*source


XOXO J

Elusive S FINALLY Answers.

YOU ASKED, ES ANSWERS!

@Jaymes805's  8 Questions LMAO!



1. If you HAD to choose (since we had this convo on facebook a few days ago) would you rather be Jackson's wife with kids and have me be the mistress or the other way around? You must choose and explain why.

OK Jaimie, so many good arguments for both! But at the end of the day, I suppose, I'd rather be the wife. I might not want kids, but as per my post a few mos ago, Jackson and I have similar coloring and I think we would have cute kids... so that might change my mind. Besides my last name could be RathBONE and I could bone him whenever I wanted... Too awesome.



2. Most embarrassing moment...

TOO many to count, Jamie! Most recently, I left my art class early... picture me toting around a large school bag plus a yoga mat... I went to the bathroom with both devices still attached to my back/shoulder... I left the bathroom and walked a good few yards before I got annoyed at whatever was tickling my ass and my ankle and tried to kick it off... well... I had a longggg piece of toilet paper tucked all the way into my thong underwear that spanned down to my ankle... I SHOULD have been embarrassed but I was laughing too hard to go there. It should have been embarrassing though.



3. Going back to your previous post about dating men, explain one of the nicknames for a guy you've dated in the past.


FFSOB: Fuck Face Son of A Bitch... my ex fiance- he had a fucked face, that I slapped pretty hard after he moved me out to australia and we were engaged for 2 1/2 yrs and turns out he was cheating on me for 3 yrs.... and he was literally the son of a psycho bitch mother.




4. Worst sexual experience.

I wasn't quite done with my period... but thought I was... annnd... it was my first time. whoops.



5. Favorite 100 Monkeys song

There are sooo many, so hard to choose my FAVE... erm......... The Fair? Junkie? gahhhhhh! I'll go with Orson Brawl :D

6. Least favorite 100 Monkeys song

Smoke... ?

7. Whats your favorite picture of Jackson?

um... really Jamie? This is like torture... I opt for fave of mine and fave I've found online...

8. Biggest pet peeve about the opposite sex.

Easy... 2 words: Unruly Pubes.



@TwiKiwi50 Questions!




1. Fuck, marry, kill. You must assign one of the following to each category. No passing, no comments, no getting out of it. And I want rationales for each please.

Amy, I kind of hate you for this!


Robert Pattinson Fuck-because he's untouchable and Jackson is my husband so...


Peter Facinelli I can't kill him... but I have to because you are making me. Rationale: Jenny Garth would surely kill me if I fucked or married him. I LOVE PFACH.


Jackson Rathbone MARRY so I get a lifetime of fucking that hottie patottie.






AND THEN, just for fun: (and yes, you can kill vamps in this example)



Edward Cullen- Marry, he seems like he'd do dirty things.


Carlisle Cullen- Fuck... hell yeah, a little papa cullen to soothe the soul...


Jasper Hale Kill-sorry Jasper... but you just cause a lot of trouble except for teaching fighting...

Well that was fun!

Since we got such great questions from you...stay tuned for installment numero dos!

XOXO J

Yo Vamp-Playa!

The first 2 minutes are pretty effing funny. I had to share!

But that is soooo NOT Edward Cullen's voice!!! If I remember correctly the real Edward Cullen doesn't sound like he's on drugs....some may beg to differ. It is however, Steven Moyer's voice. Either that, or the dude does a f8ck awesome job of sounding JUST LIKE BILL.

"Soooookie!"

:)

XOXO J

Sista' Sista'!

Elusive S (aka ES, aka my Sista') and I have had some fun times in our lives, and that's not just counting our Twi-ventures.

Take a look!

I warn you, these might not be the most flattering pics, but they show us drunk having a blast.

I think ES was "pretending" to be asleep.

That, or I might have slipped a little wine in her bottle....

Circa 86'...Madonna & Pokemon a Cat

ES "thinks" crimping has come back in style...

I kid. New Years Eve 80's party.

Cheers-ing our 1st 100 Monkeys Concert [in our hotel room bathtub]...Nov 09'

ES likes to kick my ass when I drink....

Dirty BITCH.

Her boobs She keeps me afloat ;)

Thumbs up KStew style. Not sure who the dude is in the back...?

Monkeys Concert #7(?)

Damn photogenic BIATCH.

As you can see, ES is barrels of fun....esp when under the influence ;)

That said, let's get her drunk and ask her questions!

OK, I know, easier said than done...not the getting her drunk part, but the coordinating it all. Sooooo scratch that, she'll answer questions anyway.

Anything you have ever wanted to know about ES? Sure we know she loves Jackson and has a dog..but what else makes this chickadee tick?

Just feel like throwing a random ass scenario at her & see how she responds?

Curious about more of her dating stories?

You Ask, ES Answers!

Put your questions in the comments!

I will take the most interesting/random/funny questions and trick her into answering have her answer them!

XOXO J

Ashley Greene Out & About With Her REAL Parents ;)

I love seeing celebs, especially Twi-celebs out & about with their parents. Here's Ash in NYC with her Mon & Dad. You can see where she get's her great hair...her Mom's is pretty too.

So cute!



*via Twifans

XOXO J

Gawd Bless Robward & A Farting Elephant.

I wrote a post and it effing disappeared. I was moving one of the pictures & the html code got effe'd up. I went to click compose and it truly DISAFUCKINGPEARED! All my thoughts on how Rob was totally channeling Edward on Leno. How I know he's not Edward [cough, kind of, cough]...how hawt I think he looked. How I wasn't really into the WFE hair and how I'm so glad he's got his Twi hair back...shit he's almost sportin' the bouffant. EFF ME. I HATE YOU BLOGGER.

All my wittyness at midnight, down the effing drain. Might as well re upload the gorgeous pics.

FML.

Yup, I'm typing the color of SHIT. Don't think I'm not doing it on purpose.

I am.

Because I'm pisssssssed.

And because Rob talked about a farting elephant.

It was pretty priceless...

But I'm still pissed.

Oh hai Rob!

The Leno Sex Walk.

Puhleeeeaze someone make this into a video?

I bet that cup would sell for zillions. I was truly waiting for one of the ladies in the front to bum rush the stage in order to get her grimy mits on that thing.

Me likey Smug Rob.

PURE PERFECTION.

Robward.

I love you Rob.

That is all.

*Wanna see more pics & the full vid? Go HERE.

*Miss the MTV vids? Go HERE.

Oh & no matter how many times I try and put spaces above, it doesn't save.

Blogger, I am so kickin' your ass when I have some energy tomorrow. Be forewarned.

Still pissed, love you all.

XOXO J

Anything To Get Rob's Attention.

Pssssst, Rob..........

:)

*Pic of Rob, from the other night. Sources say KStew is hiding in the back taking a pic w/ one of the girls.


Psssst, guess who just arrived back in Vancouver?

Pssssssst, guess who visited those American Idol kiddos?


XOXO J

Shake Your Shamrocks & Jake The Jerk.

Please forgive the quality of the following pictures. They were taken on my crackberry with the sun coming through the living room window. I wasn't going for an award or anything, just a quick snap shot.

That said, meet Norman II. Yes that's right, there was a Norman prior to him. He lived about 4 years!

You might be wondering why poor Norman II looks like a Vampire got to him. Look to the left of the pictures and you'll see the Vamp himself. Jerk. For the past 7 years Jake (the cat) has had a serious oral fixation. If it isn't tampons & spaghetti straps, it's flowers & string...he will eat anything. It's a wonder he hasn't had to be rushed to the Kitty ER with bowel obstruction. Anyhoo, Norman I & II Jake has never bothered...mainly because the table is narrow....UNTIL NOW. Ok I take part of that back, he will go after the plant if I'm watering it in the sink and leave it unattended...which is rare. LONG STORY even longer, Jake the Jerk recently got ahold of Norman II. I don't know if he was just pissed from being left home alone all day with the windows shut becaue it was an unusually cold day in San Diego (hold your laughter), or if he was just feeling snarky. I will never know. But as you can see above, he got to him.



I came up with a game plan to protect Noman II.

I mean HELLO, who better to protect you, than EDWARD!?! er..mini E.

DG came home from work today and asked if Jake had gotten to Norman II again. I said no & he asked how I could tell. Um.....because Edward is there. DG did find it humorous...and smart!

Sidenote for the blondes like me: I'd know, because Edward would be tipped over.

I decided to re-introduce Jake to Edward. He may be small, but he's FAAAAASSST.

Ok my cat can certainly be a jerk, but I still love him, in some twisted manner.

On to other random things, I have had such a hard time adjusting to this time change. Christ, it's only an hour ahead. BUT, I'm just not tired when I should be. Sure I feel groggy driving home from work, but once home, I'm not tired till midnight. With all my energy last night, I ended up baking cupcakes for DG, as today is his birthday. I attempted to do "golf-ish" cupcakes...and I think I faired pretty well for someone that is hardly creative in the baking department.

And as if this blog couldn't get more random, here's the shirt I bought today. I have nowhere to wear it tomorrow, but am hoping one of my girlfriends or DG will say "let's go drink green beer." Sweet.

That is all.

Wait, there's more.....

This cracks me up...Rob, running with his pot of GOLD.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!

XOXO J

Robsten Spotted With Fans In BC!

Here they are in Squamish BC. According to Robsessed, they were seeing "Red Riding Hood." Awww date night for Robsten. Love them. LOVE THEM.

See KStew peeking in through the back?

I'm totally digging how the girl to Rob's left is totally workin' the camera. You go girl, I'd probably be drooling & or waiting for him to flash his junk ;)

XOXO J

Jackson Wants To Finger Me.

FML: the formatting is all eff'd up on this post....whenever I use my work lap top, blogger hates me. Even after I fix it, it goes back to where it was when I originally hit post. gah!!!!!!!!!!!

At the prompting of @Jaymes805, I mosied on over to Rathgasm101 to find out what an Awardgasm was...low & behold, I GOT ONE! Thank you Miss Jamie! Oh, and PS, that little gif of Mr. MOS you have going on the right-hand side bar of your blog...it has me thinking he wants to finger me. I mean, HELLO, he is using two fingers with a "cum hither" motion........


FOCUS...Back to my award, I never win any awards, ever. I know that sounds so cliched, but it's true. It is.


Anyways, apparently there are some rules to accepting this gorgeous award. I'm good with rules. Let's see what they are:

RULES:

1. Thank the person that gave it to you & link back to their blog.

2. Post 7 random facts about yourself.

3. Pass this award on to 15 other blogs.

I CAN FOLLOW THOSE RULES!

Since 1 is already taken care of, let's move on to some random facts about me, TWIRED JEN:

Warning, some of this may or may not be TMI. Just sayin'.

1. I have to sleep with a pillow between my knees, because it hurts my back if my knees touch. I have slept with a pillow between my knees for at least the past 15 years.

2. I have had a secret crush on Lindsey Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac for along time...even though he's about 60?? Of course FM is my all time favorite band, and I have had the pleasure of seeing them live twice. Lindsey exudes so much passion when he plays guitar and sings...gah! Hmm, kind of like someone else I know...

3. I was rasied on a sailboat here in San Diego until I was 5. We moved off of it shorly after ES was born, but kept it for weekends. It was the experience of a lifetime.

4. I hate basketball. Sorry @LuvsMeSumEdward. I just have an aversion to it all together. I'd rather watch golf, and that's saying a lot.

5. I used to be constantly aware of my weight. I don't own a scale, beause I know I would obsess. I have never done any kind of extreme dieting, mainly because I love food too much. However I'm proud to say I don't stress as much about it anymore. I know my body is going to inevitable change with age, and as long as I'm active and eat healthy (for the most part)...I'm ok with it.

6. I do not go more than a day without nail polish on my toenails. I just don't like the look of bare toenails...THIS coming from someone who has never had a pedicure! Sorry folks, don't like the idea of them messing with my toenails.

7. I have bowel issues (cue the "OH this is what she meant by TMI)...My doctor suspects I have IBS. Unforunately IBS is undiagnosable. It is hugely influenced by emotions/stress, but diet comes into play as well. I'm either ALL or NOTHING in the bowl dept. Now ya know.

On to THE AWARDS!

(yes I am repeating some, so if you have been given an award already, don't feel like you have to do this ALL over again)

Without the first 3, I wouldn't be doing this!

1. Twitarded (without them, I wouldn't be here blogging #TRUEFACT)

2. Twibite

3. 17foreverlisa

4. Robstenation

5.True Blood Twilight

6. Tongue Twied

7.Trixie and Tess

8. Borderline Phenonmenal

9. TwiKiwi

11, Twilight, Travel, and Treats

12, Dirty, Hot & Nerdy

13.Robzsinger

14. Twilight Junkies Anonymous

15. The Cougar's Den

Love you all.

XOXO J

I Doubt She Uses Pantene.

Ashley was spotted at a Whole Foods today in LA. Looks like she's home for the weekend. I swear everytime I see her "out & about" she could easily be doing a Pantene commercial, though I doubt she uses Pantene.

She looks happy.

Gah, her hair color is AHHHMAZING.

*via Twifans

Speaking of shampoo...The other day I noticed ES's hair & how aaaahmazing it looked [not that her hair doesn't normally look great.] So naturally I asked if she'd just had it done. She said no, with a bit of a bewildered look on her face....but then as if a light switch went off said, "But, I just bought a new shampoo! That's probably it." I later forgot about the conversation, but made a mental note to check out this new shampoo.

About a week or so later I noticed my Mom's hair looking fantastic. I asked her what she'd done different (forgetting about my Sister's hair.) She also had to think about it and then mentioned this new shampoo. Apparently my Mom & Sis both bought it because it's non-animal tested, sulfate free, silicone free etc...

Non-animal tested being the main reason. Soooooo, here it is:

Ahhhhmazing.

Sure it's for super frizzy damanged hair, but who doens't have that these days...what with flat irons, blowdryers, polution, hard water, etc....

I just bought it about a week and a half ago and love it. My hair has never been softer & smoother.

WIN!

Are you happy with your shampoo?

XOXO J

New Robsen Pic...FINALLY!

Aren't they sweet.

Yes, like you, I was just duped....or "dooped" as I like to call it. Lil' miss kiTT over at TongueTwied is a lil' SH*T.

Ok, ok, don't go jumping down my throat, [unless of course you're Rob's dick] kiTT was just playing a friendly joke on Lisa & I. She definitely got me though! I was just packing up my stuff to leave work when I noticed an email come through on my phone. I decided to take a quick peek at the subject of the email as I was walking out. Of course any subject line with Robsten is going to grab my attention like a freaking house on fire...Much to my utter horror, the above picture is what awaited me...gah kiTT!

Good one! Love ya!

XOXO J

Rob Flashes His Junk, My Crackberry Fails Me.

I had a dream last night that I met Robsten. This should come as no shock, considering my infatuation. However, I have yet to have a Robsten dream...UNTIL NOW!

*Update: I take it back. I have had a Robsten Dream. But, I'm too lazy to search for the post. So let's pretend I haven't...

You know how dreams can be, sometimes they are super clear and other times they're muddled. This one in particular was a bit of both. It started out like this: Lisa & I were in LA (I think) walking down the street sightseeing, when all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of Robsten sitting outside some sort of casual fast food place, sharing a drink.

Kinda like this, but sitting outside.
It might have been a Taco Shop....

Anyway, of course my eagle eyes zero in on them and I start squeeing to Lisa & trying my hardest not to cause a scene. I could barely catch my breath and by the time she realized and then saw what I was saying, she flipped out too. Both of us were practically hyperventilating. We knew it was our chance and we couldn't let it pass us by...Just as we were destined to explore Escala together, we found Robsten together...literally. We proceeded to casually run/walk in their direction. At that point they were getting up and hurriedly walking across the street to what appeared to be a large black tour bus parked in a parking lot. They started to rush even more when they realized the paps had noticed them. Somehow we got to them first and I approached Rob and timidly asked "Can we please have a quick photo, behind this wall... so no one else notices you." I remember smiling slyly to myself as if I was doing him some huge favor by not making a scene. He said "Yah." Lisa rushed over to help take the pic and all of a sudden it wasn't Lisa, it was my Sister, ES. But it still kinda of was Lisa...you know how that goes in dreams. Anyhoo I handed "her" my blackberry & she takes a pic, but we realize it blurred. Rob kindly pulls me in closer and says it's ok to try again. This time he starts giggling in that adorkable British way & proceeds to lift his right leg like a dog about to pee....or a girls gone wild chick flashing her twat. Before I know it he's unzipped his jeans, pulled his undies (don't remember what kind) aside & whipped out his junk for the camera...AND to top it off, thinks it's absolutely hysterical.

He maintains this type of shit-eating grin while Lisa snaps the photo, junk and all.

I in turn am slightly mortified because all I see is dark purplish brown skin and some hair...Basically what you'd expect if a guy haphazardly tried to pull out his junk, not a man gawd showing you his precious, & possibly sparkly, peen. Nonetheless, we pose for the camera and again, it comes out slightly blurry... and even cuts off part of his face.

After that whole experience, I walk around to the other side of the tour bus and see Kristen having a smoke and looking around nervously. I tell her that I'm a huge fan and ask if she wouldn't mind also taking a pic with me. She says "Sure, no prob." Someone (Sarah? Lisa? Sarlisa?) takes our pic and it turns out blurry as well. DAMN YOU CRACKBERRY! Of all times to take shitty pics! She lets me try a few more times and is polite as can be...but the paps are swarming and you can tell she's getting annoyed. Anyways, despite my blurry pics, I thank her and move on.

Then all of a sudden it's Lisa and not some weird combo. Lisa and I are squeeing at how crazy it was that we just experienced all of this & how our bloggy peeps are going to freak. We just keep staring at each other and saying "OH MY GAWD, WE MET ROBSTEN." Then we board a train to somewhere......and the dream is over.

Oh dreams.....

XOXO J

Where's a Vampire When I Need One? + Photos from The Roxy 2/19

I would like to hide my identity for this... but unfortunately it isn't possible, so I have to do this as me, Elusive S.

This is going to be really long, and by the way, I have NO filter. Consider this your warning. If you get bored or disgusted and prefer to stop reading and scream "ES, you are fucking vulgar" whilst flipping me off and running in the other direction, or scrolling to the bottom to get to the delish pics of Jackson *that totally made up for me losing my camera at their show last August* will TOTALLY get it.

That being said!
I was dating a guy for the past 2ish mos... Have I told you?
Oh my, I need another drink... :: Runs off to kitchen:: Who says I can't have a bloody mary on a Saturday night?

Anyhoo... we dated for a couple of months but hadn't done the nasty... mostly due to busy schedules and my infatuation with Jackson and getting sick at different times.

Anyway fast forward to the last couple of weeks...
We meet for dinner after work... I jokingly say something about how it's a good thing we finished eating early and after joking around he got serious and said I was going to think he was a total dork.
"HUH?"
"Well... it's just that I got up super earlyand tomorrow is going to be a 12 hour day"
"Uh huh... so?"
"So I was kinda hoping that our first time..."
(the horrors I start to envision will not be depicted enough in what I will write next: I thought he was going to say something about being 'official' first or horror of all horrors that he had a venereal disease or hadn't been tested since 1918 or... who knows what) anyway he continues to say that he hoped our first time would be on a night where nothing had to be rushed and I could stay over etc etc...

I got sick after that and so another week of postponing...
Finally I was feeling better (it was a terrible case of Jacksonitis that involved vomiting due to severe withdrawal syndrome)... we made plans to have a mellow night in. Well the DVD finally fucking finished and I jumped his bones. It was quiet... I DON'T LIKE QUIET WHEN I'M HAVING SEX, I like to have Jackson's sex-twang voice laced through the air instead, so I can imagine, if I squeeze my eyes really tightly, that it is infact Jackson I am locking lips with. Well we play-argued about music but then it got a little annoying... we made out for about 30 minutes. I could not figure out why he kept pushing me to the side every time I'd get on him... and was increasingly frustrated that he wouldn't climb on top of me and stick it in already! I felt like Bella and her awkward attempts at getting Edward to exercise his sparkly peen. After 20 min there was a super awkward rub-ES's-hoo-ha session... which would have been hot had he used it as a platform to start off on... but he didn't... in fact he suddenly just hugs me close and sticks his face in the crevice between my jaw neck shoulder area... uh what...? He tells me he's sorry... Sorry? Sorry!? About what? Oh.... that... that's why he kept pushing me off him... not because he was afraid his granite-like sparkly peen would kill me... I asked if he wanted to watch porn (of course my idea of porn was watching all the parts of eclipse with Jasper and or putitng the 100 Monkeys DVD on repeat).... He didn't.

He kept saying how frustrated he was. 'Uh you...? What about leaving little ES hanging? How the fuck is that fair? First the world catches on that Jackson is fucking delicious and Jacksonitis spreads like a wild fire, so I settle for you because he is increasingly difficult to get alone, and now you leave me in the middle of a 14-yr-old's rub down?!' He proceeds to ask if making out was nice and if he made me feel good.... uh, what? Where? When you gave me blue-vagina? He asked if I would spend the night. At first, my reaction was, 'you've got to be fucking kidding me, the only time I ever stay at boys' houses are if I'm drunk, getting laid or drunk and getting laid and besides, I have to go home and stare at my framed photo of Jackson and take care of business'... Fine, I didn't say that either, but I thought it, and I'm sure my face conveyed it. He countered by saying the morning would be a sure-shot... This sparked my interest of course, so I stayed. We woke earrrrrly and had a repeat of the night before. We went to breakfast and had a weird, but not bad or awkward, goodbye. I left screaming "WHERE THE FUCK IS A VAMPIRE WHEN I NEED HIM!?"

Thurs night rolls around and I get a text as I'm at the gym, "Are you still at work?" "No, at the gym getting hot for Jackson- May's just around the corner" then nothing for an hour... I was sure the Jackson comment had caused the delay. An hour later I'm in the shower and my phone bleeps... "Hey, I was going to call you but I honestly don't know what I would say. I"m going through some things and am going to take a break from dating for awhile. You are amazing and it was great getting to know you. Maybe we can hang out in the future".

I responded matter of factly, 'No, sorry. Jackson may be popular, but we will surely be married by this next show.'


Ah... the wonderful world of dating I've had since the epic, cake-taker that was FuckFaceSonofABitch...
Alchomedic, Prick, SouthAfricaThatWouldntPay, EnglishDudeThatSaidHeWasDivorcedButWasn't, ShortieThatTalkedTooFuckingMuch, Psycho-Logist and now... BernarGra. Few should be so lucky to earn a nickname from me... but many do.

Jackson though? He wouldn't earn a nickname (MOS aside)... he would earn a plaque... in the shape of an MOS.

That being said, here are a few photos from 100 Monkey's show @ The Roxy Feb 19... Jen and I met up w/some lovely ladies, Zina, Linda, Jessica and the fab girls at Borderline Phenomenal , Jamie and Amanda... Just loved meeting them, too much fun!

MOS... need I say more?

I had the longest window of opportunity to snap shots
as he was staring directly at me, but they all fucking blurred...
my camera was more tingly nervous than me!

Killer smile

Jamie and I
Jessica and Jen
Jen & ES
Jaymes805, Elusive S, Demanda, TwiredJen
Sistas w/Zina

Muchos besos!

ES

Robsten- Marry you

Love this. That is all.

XOXO J

Now That I Can Breathe....

A while back my little Picasa program recommened I try http://www.picnik.com/ I checked it out quickly but was in the midst of doing other things. This time around, @Jaymes805 recommended it, when I'd asked her how she'd made her photos look super sweet. Most editing features are free, then there are a few that cost a monthly fee.


Anyhoo, after watching the WFE trailer a couple times, posting it and then watching it again, I'm now ready to talk about it.







Mmmmm, maybe not.







That said, check out these pictures I "enhanced."

Swoon.....

Mmm, love me some serious Rob.

Beautiful. Even with a bloody lip.

I'm not sure I'll have much to say about WFE until after Aril 22nd, 2011. I definitely plan to see it RIGHT when it comes out. Hmm, if it's a weekend, I'm up for midnight showing shenanigan. Anyone? Anyone?

P.S. Totally random, but DG (my s/0) read the book while we were in Maui and liked it. I was impressed he gave it a chance after knowing Rob was going to play Jacob. And the cherry on the cake? He saw the trailer tonight on AI & said he believes Rob is going to go on and do great things [Twilight wasn't great?] But he was worried that Reese would overshadow him... Hmmmm. Very poignant s/o! However, I assured him it's probably 80% Twilight fans that are going to see this movie, and most of us are ONLY going to be paying attention to Rob. Ok, I take it back, I love Reese as a lot of you do...I think they make a great duo...for THE MOVIE that is ;

XOXO J