Off to the Motherland!

Well Twitards, I'm headed....




Oh wait, that's not right. Here we go...

I will be here sometime Thursday afternoon!!!

Yup, that's right, I'm headed to the Motherland.......FORKS, WA! You may have heard that quite a few other blogs & followers are headed that way too. It's a Twitard meet up, that I'm sure it will result in tons of random Twi-bauchery!

IF for any reason I don't return home on Sunday night, you may or may not find me here...

...searching for this guy...

...or here, partying it up at the Twilight Lounge...



[NOT REALLY ME]

Just sayin'.

I wont be posting while I'm gone, however my bloggy co-hort Elusive S may pop in for a post. No guarantees. I will be back on Sunday night and probably posting by Monday. Anyhoo, if you follow any of us on twitter, make sure to pop in, I can guarantee some pretty funny sh*t will ensue. If you're not already following me, you can find me @TwiredJen

I wish so many of you were joining us! Be safe. See you Monday!

PS The Sparkly Eagle has landed!
XOXO J

JACKRAH

Here at Twired (and almost everywhere else you look in this h00re-y twidom of twitards) we like to look at (or make up) parallels, relations and general 'isms'...


SO, here is the rumored Renesmee:

& more pics here

Her name is Mackenzie Foy. You can see it, right? Edward Masen's green eyes and bronze hair... Bella Swan's mouth and skin... and not only an EdwElla hybrid, but a RobSten hybrid... KStew's green eyes and gorgeous scowl, Rob's hair...



So great, such a perfect match... who could contend with this stunning girl?!

But then I changed my mind... while she's still stunning...

She's actually a JackRah...

That's right h00rs, she is what a Jackson and Sarah's lovechild would resemble...






+

No? OK, fine. I'll give, she's a good pick for a RobElla/KStew lovechild.
:o)







Have fun in Foooooorks, bitches!
(Oh, and have a few cocktails for me, please).

xoxo,
Elusive S

So Cal Swamp Ass & Shirtlessness

So if you follow me on twitter (@TwiredJen) you may or may not have heard me bitch about how So Cal never really had a summer. Granted San Diego typically gets Summer weather around late July-Sept, and sometimes even into Oct. Well, our summer was in the low 70's, with not a lot of sun. We're known for getting slapped with a heat wave come Sept/Oct, but we're getting more than slapped...we're getting pummeled, whipped, spanked (mmm Fifty) and thrown for a f*cking loop as I speak...er...type.

I like this. It looks like a penis.

Here's an article that was posted in our local paper this morning, just in case you think I'm being a whiny bitch.

"Coastal San Diego County is experiencing the hottest day it’s had in decades, with temperatures soaring above 100 degrees from Oceanside to San Diego, says the National Weather Service. By 11 a.m. Monday, the temperature hit 109 degrees near the Oceanside airport, 108 at Camp Pendleton, 106 at Point Loma, and 100 at North Island. Forecasters also had readings of 104 at University Heights in San Diego, 108 in Torrey Pines, 107 at Montgomery Field, and 102 at Chula Vista. The Weather Services says the extraordinary heat is being caused by warm offshore winds, high pressure, and an inversion layer that is making the region bake.
At 4 a.m., the temperature at 500 feet above the surface was 95 degrees, creating a warm layer that mixed with the air closer to the surface as the sun rose. This is the hottest Sept. 27 since 1963, when the temperature rose to 104 degrees in the San Diego area." -Gary Robbins

Here's a pic taken by somebody from this morning, that was attached to that article.

A boat pulling into San Diego Bay.

Then...I just read another warning about Los Angeles on weather.com, it's 113 f*cking degrees! Apparently the hottest day on record. I wonder if Heidi Montag's boobs and face have melted yet? Just sayin'. Oh, and I may or may not have swamp ass by the time I reach Forks on Thursday. (yah, I stole that term from JJ *waves*)

So I was trying to figure out how to make this Twilight related...I just don't think it's going to happen folks.

Oh wait a minute, how bout' some shirtlessness?

RPATTZ

TAY

JRATH

KLUTZ

Hey may not be Twilight related, but he's an ode to the shirtless Gawds.

ASKARS

I couldn't leave ya hanging, now could I? YUMMY.


XOXO J

Emmet, Rosalie & some MOTU!

Just in case you were wondering what was up with the dynamic duo that is Emmett & Rosalie...er...Kellan & Nikki, here are some recent pics.

Kellan being honored at PETAS 30th anniversary.

Lookin' mighty fine there KLutz.

And Nikki Reed was photographed at the 6th Annual Pink Party, hosted by Jennifer Garner.

She really is simply gorgeous!


*Source

On a completely different note...have you seen Biels new MOTU (by Snowqueens Icedragon) vid??? Holy smokes it's hot!

Here's one of her older MOTU vids. I think this one is phenomenal. I posted it awhile ago and it's worth posting again...esp if you just started reading about f*ckhawt Fifty.







Happy Sunday everyone! I will be seeing a lot of you on Thursday! SQUEEEE!



XOXO J

Apparently I Have No Head...

It's slow in the Twi world. Know what that means??? It means, we can concentrate more on JRath!

Here he is photographed inside the Victoria's Secret Lounge @ the TIFF (Toronto International Film Festival.) Who knew I had no head?!

Purple is one of my favorite colors ;)

*finger porn?!*

Hold me Jackson, hold me?!

XOXO J

New Pics of Jax from TIFF!

Schmexy new portraits of Jackson Rathbone from the Toronto International Film Festival.











*You can find a few more pics here.

Such cutie, as always.

XOXO J

Rob Is Coming To Forks...

...WITH ME!

Thanks to the oh so lovely ladies from Trixie & Tess...tell all, I won a drawing! My name got picked out of a mug! I would have been happy with just the knowledge of winning a random drawing [because I never win anything!]...but they had other plans...

I won Rob!


On a wallet/coin purse thingy!


Swoooooon!

Hellooooo Rob.

Check out the back! It's adorable!

And it came with a card. Did a lil' birdie tell them I LOVE cards?!

Um..and do you see what it says?!

It's there, in the proof. I'm Mrs. Edward Cullen :)

Awww & a sweet note inside...plus a Starbucks gift card [didn't think you needed to see a pic of that]

I hit the jackpot!

I wish these girls were coming to Foooooooooooooooooooooorks!

Trixie & Tess, you rock.

Thank you so much!

XOXO J

Dear Rob, Since You're Out Of Town......

.......would you mind if I hooked up with Alexander Skarsgard? Just for a night. You know, he's the guy who plays Eric Northman on that other Vampire show.

Rob, you know you're #1 in my heart. You're beautiful, sexy, talented, educated, artsy, well-traveled & loyal....the type of guy I want to marry and have sex with for the rest of my life. However Alexander is just.....smokin' hawt.

"Uh.....what?"

Come on, have you seen his ass???

*groan*

Not to mention his abs?

Jeeeeezus.

Seriously Rob...maybe if you showed us a little ass? Your abs had me panting in New Moon...are we going to see more in BD? Pleeeeaaaase?! I'm just feeling a little sidetracked. I'm sure if you come back home to California, it will clear my head (as would a good pounding from Mr. Skarsgard)

Rob, please don't deny me the newest member of my Freebie Five.

As Mr. Northman.

Not usually my type.....

I suddenly have the urge for all white sheets.

I'll play human if you play Vampire.

Lookin' a little surfer-ish there Alexander.




Fresh faced.

Oops, how did this get in here?

So Rob, whatcha think?


XOXO J

Lifes Ups & Downs and an Apology to PFach

Do ever feel as though someones on your side? Whether you believe in Gawd (I mean Rob) or you not, there is no denying that sometimes someone is looking out for you...OR maybe it's just karma. F*ck if I know. All I do know is that sometimes when something kinda sucky happens, something pretty good happens to balance it out...and vice versus.

Hope that chicks ass doesn't smell...

Here's an example of how this balance game plays out into my life:

Way back when I didn't think I'd be able to afford my flight to Forks, I ended up getting more than I thought back from my taxes, and my Grandma also helped out. Fate? Then about a month ago, the brakes on my car started acting up...I had just had a full break job 18 mos prior. I also needed new tires...FML. Well, I ended up calling my auto body shop and finding out it might be their fault...something to do with the machine they used to cut something-rather was faulty at the time [great, why the f*ck didn't you call me earlier?!?] Long story short, they ended up fixing it for FREE, when I was dreading having to pay another $500. Huge relief! However, I was still stressing about putting my hotel/rental car on my credit card for Forks, getting new tires & my hair done...cut and highlights mind you, before I leave. Well, this afternoon I get a call from my co-worker/friend telling me I might be able to get a free rental car for Seattle. Basically we use Enterprise at the Concierge desk and one of the higher ups said she wants to offer us free rental cars vs. discounted ones. I called her to see what she could do (didn't want to assume) and she comped my car for Forks...FREE! F*ck yeah! Needless to say I canceled my existing reservation. Just when I was super stoked about that, my lap top screen finally takes a shit this afternoon. It's been floppy for a while, but finally wont stand up without support. Gaaah. With tears in my eyes I head off to my hair appt. Turns out my stylist was running low on a product she uses during my highlights and felt horrible that we had to reschedule. She trimmed my hair and re-scheduled my highlights for Thursday...and didn't charge me for my haircut because she felt bad. FREE!

See....things always have a way of balancing each other out. Here's my ghetto lap top.

Ghetto lap top...masking tape to anchor it, and books in case it fails.
Oh, not to mention my plastic wine glass for the bath and s/o's feet.

Anyhoo, I get home from my hair cut and an email is waiting for me. It's from my San Diego Twi bestie, Twilove1_sue, asking if I'd be her "date" for the Anaheim Twilight Convention on Oct 9th. I told her NO.

JK!!! My answer was.......um....hell yes! It turns out her daughter can't go so she asked me! We actually met for the first time at the LA Twi Convention back in June. She's going to Forks too!

However I'm a little nervous now, you know, after making fun of PFach's jacket. Yup, PFach is going to be there, and Sue has a photo op with him that now includes me too....SQUEEEEEEEE! This will technically be my 4th time seeing PFach. One was at the New Moon Premiere...he was one of the few celebs that rolled down the window of their limo. Two was at the Twilight Convention in LA in June...I saw him during the Cullen panel...he was by far the most animated. Third was here in San Diego at the Twilight Movie event at Petco Park when he signed my boob...er...clavicle (Sue was with me then too!) and now I get to actually take a pic with him! Ok I admit it..I have it bad for PFach....even if he say's "Ahhhhhhmy of newborns."

Mmm Peter, looks like you're being arrested...handcuffs, yum!

I'm thinking his chances of coming to Forks are slim to none, especially now that I have made fun of him for trying to copy Bella's jacket...but hey.

Do you feel like things go up and down in your life? Am I just nuts?

XOXO J

Vulnerable Stew

If you've read this blog for any length of time, I'm sure you've realized just how much I puffy heart Kristen Stewart. As far as appearances go, I love how she has this fresh-faced-innocence meets-sex-kitten look about her....and she owns it. I often question the seemingly flawless look of celebs such as herself. Sure, she's 20, but even at 20 I'd look exhausted after lack of sleep or a late night out...let alone hours and hours of travel. Kristen rarely looks tired. Sure celebs have access to better make up, massage therapists, comfy hotel beds (hot sex with the likes of Rob) ...but still...

Anyhoo I came across a few pics of Kristen over at the RobstenLoveForum tonight, and they made me appreciate KStew even more. You know how so many of the pics we see on the red carpet appear almost flawless....well, these were taken in less than flattering (normal) light...so you can see a few imperfections here and there, but to me, she's still beautiful and...

VULNERABLE...

I'm sure this guy has something to do with her fresh-faced meets naughty girl look too...

I think he's good for her soul.

As she his.

Disagree? It's ok. To each his/her own.

Kristen made me do it.

I kid.

P.S. I'm kinda weird...how weird? Go here.


XOXO J

More Weird Things About Me...

Twitarded did a post a couple weeks ago called Five Random Things You Should Know About Me Before You Meet Me In Forks, I thought this post was hysterical...and it was so much fun to read all of the comments. With their blessing, I followed with a similar post called Flushy Rob & Sh*t You Should Know.


I have thought of a few more things to add to my list...maybe you can relate, or maybe you'll just think I'm a super freak ;)


1. I absolutely without a doubt cannot go to sleep with make up on. Granted I don't wear that much...normally just concealer, some eyeshadow, mascara and lip gloss..but I can't do it. In fact, I could be stupid a** drunk and I will still somehow manage to wash my face before bed. P.S. This also includes earrings. I wear small studs and cannot fall asleep with them on. No way, no how.

I wonder if KStew washes off her make up post romp with Rob, pre-sleep ;)

2. I can go without my morning coffee, but that's about it. Don't expect me to form any sort of coherent sentences. I NEED MY MORNING COFFEE. THAT IS ALL.

Rob needs his coffee too.

3. I can wiggle my ears together, or one at a time. Maybe we should add talent show to our Forks fun list? I already have a competition going with Mama Cougar...however I'll keep you in the dark about that one...it's TMI fo sho.

This is what I got when I googled Twilight Ears.

4. I hate raisins. Ok, maaaaybe hate is a strong word, but I don't like them. In fact, I think they ruin so many perfectly good cookies & cakes.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

5. I'm clumsy as all hell. I have spilled more wine glasses in my life than I care to recount. In fact one time when Lisa called me, I jumped to grab my cell and knocked my full glass of red all over the carpet. Smooth.

This may or may not be me in Forks.

So now that you know I'm a super freak...do you have any odd things you'd like to share?

XOXO J